working through stuff...

I have feelings I can't talk to anyone about because I can't even describe them To myself They cause great sadness; like everything you've ever cared about has ended. I didn't have them before my mother died but they don't seem to be related to her, except for the fact that they reach back to childhood .. Her dying and my reaction to my grief are certainly linked ... There's also an entanglement with my baby girl - it all seemed so hopeful when she was small, but my partner's moods from going back to work cut me like knives, and we quickly became sad (as a family?) ... The joy was quickly sucked out of the equation. The whole thing seems devalued ... Trying to get back to happy and for the most part succeeding but need to know more about this ...