I am me.
I am golden.
Gorgeous.
Romantic.
Sensual, caring, creative;
But (and I believe I am perfectly entitled to feel like this ....)
I am also one very upset, unloved & neglected, sad, lonely, angry, sexually frustrated 'ex rock star stop at home dad'.
Midlife crisis ?
I'm father to two beautiful kids; we'll talk about their beautiful and clever Mum later .... but for now let's just say that this hasn't exactly been a successful experiment in gender-flipping role reversal, although we started out with the best intentions and a lot of good love and noisy wet sex.
Nowadays, everything either aches or hurts or doesn't work, and my longing for a better more sane and loving life just gets worse day by day. My patience runs thin, after seven years I have had almost enough. I dream of love as much as I sexually fantasise.
I tried blogging fair and square (less anonymously) but got bored of not saying what I really felt and thought - this is V 2.0 and nothing will be held back or edited. But it will be all true.
You can also follow my impatience, sexual frustration and angry insight into the modern role-reversal parenting situation by following @stopathomedad on twitter.
Please comment at will - nothing will be censored; perhaps together we can smooth all the rough edges out ?
Thank you for reading this far. I'm sorry if any of the personal truths to follow cause you offence.
Right, several versions of the one opinion. I am not a parent, I made a choice, many times, not to be. I am a "stay at home male", whatever the fuck that means.
ReplyDeleteWe make choices, or atleast we think we do. A "choice" made out of peer pressure is bullshit.
Look; i'm gonna continue this post tomorow for this reason: I have read yours about 20 times, & I honestly think I get it, & even get you a bit. I'm 47, i'm male, i'm pissed off, but at the same time i'm quite proud. I'm surviving. I'm not hiding under machismo, but i'm not crying crocodile tears either.
Peter
ReplyDeleteThanks for the comments - will check back later now I know someone is definitely reading this .. look forward to hearing more of your thoughts on this ... I am still trying to make sense of how I got here and where 'here' is ... I have this constant sensation of unreality - 15 years ago my life was very different, and although I feel pride too I am not sure I like what has happened to me - perhaps the pride comes from surviving it ..
P.s. I really enjoy your twitter posts - they crack me up .... do you have a blog ?