My reply to a Mum frustrated by people treating her as if (because she's a mum at home) she's retarded..
"Don't think it's sexist - it's carer-ist ... I'm a stay at home father and the bastards do it to me too.
We're carers. And I have to say some of the Mums are pretty sexist too (I don't get invites to coffee mornings, not even before I became bitter and resentful !!!).
No one puts a value on parenting anymore, least of all if you don't outsource it to someone called 'Magda' who chainsmokes and texts along the pavements of posh upper-middle-class enclaves whilst delivering your little newborn to nursery, whilst you push your way onto tube trains at 7:30am, and nobody, repeat nobody, ever cooks a meal from scratch at home unless half-cut on Chablis and reading Jamie Oliver's latest (with chicken liver blood dripping off your drunken fingers onto the crisp new pages).
P.s. no one knows where she lives (Magda, that is).... you just have her mobile phone number and a vague memory of someone decent in playgroup handing it to you three years ago.
Sooooo ... The home dries up and with it the love respect and intimacy between the stressed parents; the alternative? One of you continues to work and the poor schmuck stuck behind the kitchen sink gets talked down to by anyone with delusions of city grandeur at any social gathering for six or seven years, then you find the kids are old enough to not need your (or Magda's) role and you'll struggle to get offered anything more meaningful than school business admin and then only if you're bitchy enough to fight off 58 other applicants deemed too young to be a GP's receptionist. ... Serves you right for getting off the hamster wheel? It bloody shouldn't.
If you're really unlucky your now resentful (you've had all the fun, right ?!?) and pompous over-professionalised partner will lose respect and feelings of attraction for you at about the same time ... I believe the saying is 'F**k My Life'.
I love my kids and they're worth this shit and tons more so my attitude towards those lovely people is 'F*** 'em' all - they're just not worth your time and emotion.
Incidentally, Madam Nonsuch; if like mine, your partner won't respect your sacrifice and support you emotionally when others treat you like crap, then dump them and email me ! I'll cook you a great paella and tell you how wonderful you really are, you may even get a back rub once I get to know you properly ;-)) .... I'm sure the kids will get along, they generally do.
'Til then chin up- you are sooooo very, very important to those little shining faces you tuck into bed every night, and be very aware that you need to take care of yourself for them.
x
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