Green Days Gone By

Using persona as contraception, which has given us both a very heightened sense of both of our hormones and moods ... (for those that haven't heard of it, she pees on a stick and it can tell day of cycle, fertile or not, ovulation day etc.).
It's great if you want to have messy unprotected spontaneous sex on days it shows as 'clear' or 'green' post-ovulation, but it highlights the progression of time and leaves me focused on missed opportunities.

The sexual side of our relationship is pretty non-existent, and this compounds the desperation, depression and sadness I feel about this.

28 days of persona run like this:

1-4 I guess not (her pref, not mine) machine's light is green...
5-7 red light appearing anytime now so, errr prob not a good idea... Plus, she'll still be feeling 'unclean'...
7-13/14 if in this particular cycle she's vaguely interested in sex, this will be the few days when we're likely to try; I by this point am quite a stampy randy bear, likely to be quite brave in terms of risking slapped hands and slighted ego. I ache for her on these days, waking every morning early with a hard on of pornstar proportions. When I come, it goes everywhere, especially noticeable as I have to pull out on these days. It's a good month if we manage one or two times to make love here, the loved up oxytocin highs lasting and bonding over following two weeks. She likes it rougher over these days too, and will come as hard as me.
14-19 By now, I arise every morning to pee and look at the blasted machine, cursing it until its light goes green (often day 18). By now withdrawal is pissing me off (if we've made love more than once) and I want to flood the neck of her womb with my cum, preferably whilst kissing her hard and holding her tight. She however at this point of her cycle has lost all interest, and so she does guilt whilst I do tenderness mixed with hard-to-hide frustration. If we're getting on badly, I start to notice other women (I'm pretty fixed on her the rest of the cycle) and she starts to notice everything in our world that needs domestic attention. We row.

Chrimbo-not-so-tastisco; Revenge of The Fun Police

Well there goes that.

Acutely aware of the need to go and get me the life I need this year, feel like I haven't stopped for more than a second. There has been a hell of a lot less relaxation than I hoped for and very little else in the way of fun. The fucking fun police have put their uniforms back on and are goose-stepping about.

Just one small glimmer remains from the festive season. I met a kindred spirit; the kind of person that makes you question everything; reminds you of yourself and what you used to feel. This person is actually trying to understand me, this I am finding a little unnerving (I'm just not used to this) but I know it's a good thing. She makes my soul leap and my heart beat and my cock instantly rock hard from her millions of miles away.

The control freak within me wants to steady the pace ............ but I don't think that this will be possible with said person; she has me fixed within her gaze and is trying to figure out why I make her feel.

It's all outside the normal bounds of experience.

And that's what makes it exciting.

Happy New Year

The Background

I am me.

I am golden.

Gorgeous.

Romantic.

Sensual, caring, creative;

But (and I believe I am perfectly entitled to feel like this ....)

I am also one very upset, unloved & neglected, sad, lonely, angry, sexually frustrated 'ex rock star stop at home dad'.

Midlife crisis ?

I'm father to two beautiful kids; we'll talk about their beautiful and clever Mum later .... but for now let's just say that this hasn't exactly been a successful experiment in gender-flipping role reversal, although we started out with the best intentions and a lot of good love and noisy wet sex.

Nowadays, everything either aches or hurts or doesn't work, and my longing for a better more sane and loving life just gets worse day by day. My patience runs thin, after seven years I have had almost enough. I dream of love as much as I sexually fantasise.

I tried blogging fair and square (less anonymously) but got bored of not saying what I really felt and thought - this is V 2.0 and nothing will be held back or edited. But it will be all true.

You can also follow my impatience, sexual frustration and angry insight into the modern role-reversal parenting situation by following @stopathomedad on twitter.

Please comment at will - nothing will be censored; perhaps together we can smooth all the rough edges out ?

Thank you for reading this far. I'm sorry if any of the personal truths to follow cause you offence.