Nonsuch's blog

My reply to a Mum frustrated by people treating her as if (because she's a mum at home) she's retarded..

"Don't think it's sexist - it's carer-ist ... I'm a stay at home father and the bastards do it to me too.
We're carers. And I have to say some of the Mums are pretty sexist too (I don't get invites to coffee mornings, not even before I became bitter and resentful !!!).

No one puts a value on parenting anymore, least of all if you don't outsource it to someone called 'Magda' who chainsmokes and texts along the pavements of posh upper-middle-class enclaves whilst delivering your little newborn to nursery, whilst you push your way onto tube trains at 7:30am, and nobody, repeat nobody, ever cooks a meal from scratch at home unless half-cut on Chablis and reading Jamie Oliver's latest (with chicken liver blood dripping off your drunken fingers onto the crisp new pages).

P.s. no one knows where she lives (Magda, that is).... you just have her mobile phone number and a vague memory of someone decent in playgroup handing it to you three years ago.

Sooooo ... The home dries up and with it the love respect and intimacy between the stressed parents; the alternative? One of you continues to work and the poor schmuck stuck behind the kitchen sink gets talked down to by anyone with delusions of city grandeur at any social gathering for six or seven years, then you find the kids are old enough to not need your (or Magda's) role and you'll struggle to get offered anything more meaningful than school business admin and then only if you're bitchy enough to fight off 58 other applicants deemed too young to be a GP's receptionist. ... Serves you right for getting off the hamster wheel? It bloody shouldn't.

If you're really unlucky your now resentful (you've had all the fun, right ?!?) and pompous over-professionalised partner will lose respect and feelings of attraction for you at about the same time ... I believe the saying is 'F**k My Life'.

I love my kids and they're worth this shit and tons more so my attitude towards those lovely people is 'F*** 'em' all - they're just not worth your time and emotion.

Incidentally, Madam Nonsuch; if like mine, your partner won't respect your sacrifice and support you emotionally when others treat you like crap, then dump them and email me ! I'll cook you a great paella and tell you how wonderful you really are, you may even get a back rub once I get to know you properly ;-)) .... I'm sure the kids will get along, they generally do.

'Til then chin up- you are sooooo very, very important to those little shining faces you tuck into bed every night, and be very aware that you need to take care of yourself for them.

x

stopathomedad.blogspot.com

The Crack

Several weeks more of little or no intimacy and sex.... I feel like a Michaelangelo statue of a male nude, that every week has someone come past and chisel off a bit more of its male features. Only with more human and real warmth and longing. As I've been very patient, supportive and understanding in this respect for sometime, and sensed the occasional positive response to hugs over the last couple of days, this morning I took the huge risk of stroking my hand softly up her thigh towards bliss. Bad move; her thigh jerked away, aggressive body language making her angry rejection very clear;

bad boy.

The hurt and rejection I feel is crushing. Don't have any coping mechanisms left .... Can't deal with being celibate in a relationship .... Although anger follows the hurt, still love her .... What am I supposed to do ?

Tumblr

Am I the only person who's seen Kat-a-tat-tat's tumblr (and also flickr feed) ? Oh my there's something amazing about her photography and modeling - entrancing doesn't cover it. It's like you're there and in the moment with her awareness of self, and her view of herself is accurately aware of her beauty (which kinda adds to her confidence which of course adds even more to her beauty and it's a vortex ...) A girl you'd want to be, let alone be in...? Is this how it is to be female?

My Comment On UnwantedHusband's wordpress blog

April 26, 2011 at 1:47 am Full sympathy for what you and your wife are going through right now; hope you can make the best decision for yourself AND your family. Two things – no one expects us all to be perfect human beings and in many ways to fail is to learn to grow. Secondly, being in a very similar situation myself, one thing that keeps me trying harder all round is that my divorced parents both expressed regret at ending theirs; they were only temporarily happier with their new partners. That said, their sufferance of each other for so many years before they divorced added a very dark cloud of depressive atmosphere to my lonely childhood. So, if there are children, think of them first and always; you’d sacrifice your life to save them in an instant, and so should consider the same for a whole childhood. Don’t let the death of a thousand cuts kill their joy at being alive at such a formative part of their lives. I weep for what my Mum and Dad went through, and also how miserable my childhood was as a result – we were all unhappy together as a family (but ok apart or separately with each parent) and it’s taken me 15 years to realise the impact this is having on my life now. I love them both deeply, but I wish they’d been able to fix it or move on sooner. Good luck UH, and to the other commenters, many valid points made here by everyone including marriagecounsellor chap (don’t ever disregard the whole of one person’s story/truth just because of your disagreement with one bit); just remember one size does not fit all !!

Kicked Out Of Bed For Snoring

I'm on the sofa. Bad dog. She has stayed awake reading til gone midnight despite a job interview early start tomorrow at 7am, and now cannot get to sleep because I am snoring apparently... I've been out and had four pints of beer ...but it seems this may be a recurrent problem - for her (when she snores I just smile and go back to sleep so it's not reciprocally one for me). Perhaps in our fucking pseudo-professional 'planning meetings' we could schedule some time to discuss how maybe I wouldn't snore so much if she'd actually made any effort to maintain our sexlife over the last eight years... instead of leaving me to choose between unfaithfulness (i.e. affairs for sexual and intimate gratification) and sense-swapping drinking too much and over-eating for my only sensual pleasures? Look at our peers; out of seven NCT couples we knew originally only three are together and one of those doesn't count as one partner is having serial affairs. But by golly they're thin and (I'm guessing) don't snore !!

The flipping gym

At kiddy gym reception waiting room hell again... Less than one in eight people in here (3yo kids included) are NOT holding a nintendo ds or iOS item... ALL laptops on view are Apple. It's embarrassing. That's all.

WOW

I have been surfing more discriminatingly than usual and have discovered a wealth of erotic material in the oddest of places.

Some of it is pure and simple "inspiration" (yes you know what I mean ;?) ... and some of it is more self-help/informative/knowledge-based, such as the excellent www.dick-n-jane.com ... which is where I found the very informative (and opinioned !) Athol and his strategy www.marriedmansexlife.com.

If only I had had access to stuff like this several years ago when starting out down this line (househusbandry) I somehow feel things may somehow not have become so sad and desperate.
However, now these new resources have been discovered they will be utilised.

Enjoy !