[disorganised ranting - unedited - come back in a week; it will be readable honest]
My objections are mainly about what little respect and consideration you currently show for me, my opinions, my wishes, feelings, etc., and just how little you do for me, how little care you show me
when you combine this with abusive and angry asides and constant nitpicking it isn't much fun
tbh from the way you behave I feel you are trying to get me to leave or want to leave yourself
you seem to think it's ok to treat me like shit and if I dare react it is then all about me being an arse - well it isn't
I'm also frustrated that when I see you are putting your feet up or relaxing I let it pass and don't insist or even ask that you help with the domestic duties outside of our daily work hours; this is mainly of course in the evening.
So, out of sympathy and usually love and respect for you, I leave you alone, bring you a nice drink, cook you some lovely food (that you usually seem to enjoy very much)
I know you feel you have been having a really hard time for the last several years of employment both at ******* and *******, and you just want to sit and read your book/watch tv/soak in a bath each evening.
I know how difficult things get between us when you are tired and rundown, so a part of this is also to help our relationship - I try and take the strain .......... it's a bit of a let-down when not only you don't reciprocate this empathy but you have a go at me.
some points I'd like to make -
1.) I want you to stop continually 'telling me off' angrily, like I'm some errant lowly domestic - more respect is needed if you want more back
(this makes me feel really shit and demeaned).
2.) realisation that you must think I am lazy and are saying as much
(I am shocked and horrified that you don't trust how diligent I am and how hard I work for this family - even more so that you think nagging/berating me is the way to get more out of me ...)
3.) you show a complete lack of appreciation and support for how hard it is to start new career from scratch with no CV, virtually no experience, whilst picking up this family's crap, and shopping cooking laundering and cleaning for you all, arranging all the social diaries, etc
4.) this weekend in particular you have let me do all the cooking, setting up the beds and 90% of the dishwasher emptying & filling whilst you're largely sat (and for the most part in the evening lying) on the sofa - I even got up without even a cup of tea let alone breakfast and gave you a few hours on saturday and looked after the kids on my own so you could get a break and talk to your Mum - Sunday morning you were virtually kicking me out of bed to do your bidding and drag DS to rugby
5.) telling me to shut up in front of DS this morning whilst I was only doing what you frequently do (point out future enforcement/consequences if not doing their homework/chores) - you attempt to censor me quite often infront of the kids - I find this highly embarrassing and feel like you are saying my views on their upbringing and manners are unimportant, that I am unimportant. It also destroys my authority in their eyes and makes it harder for me to get them to behave and respect me without me having to shout etc..
6.) over the last few months you have made quite a few extra demands on my time/energy and consequently I feel quite nagged and bullied and stressed out - as there is now ALWAYS something that hasn't been done (something that you have decided as being my responsibility alone and that is beneath your task list) - I simply do not have enough time and energy to get everything you think I should be doing completed
now just lately your behaviour towards me is escalating towards the unbearable
from sunday's aborted attempt by you to meet me with the car (as we always manage for you)
it's seems rather unfair that you haven't bothered apologising for your part in Sunday's BS - especially as I did, a few times on your ansaphone and also in text - all I got for my attempts to save you and the kids from a wasted journey was you screaming at me down the phone.
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